Broken Heart <3

So since I last blogged alot has happened to me, infact its not just alot its been life changing!!! My heart right now is basically ripped in two. I've split up with my long term guy but also the father of my children and it is so hard! I'm so scared about what my future holds now I have got two very beautiful young children who are very confused at the minute and I'm still not quite sure how to deal with it.

My beautiful sisiter Rie has been asbolutely amazing and lets face it, its pretty cool staying in the same house reminds me of being a kid which right now is just what I need.

Then theres my wonderful Mum and I just cant thank her enough for everything that she's done and I'm sure will continue to do.

Anyway Mum told me to search for the stages of grief and I couldnt understand why, until I read about it:

"Grief is a somewhat complicated and misunderstood emotion. Yet, grief is something that, unfortunately, we must all experience at some time or other. We will all inevitably experience loss. Whether it is a loss through death, divorce or some other loss, the stages of grieving are the same."

So we've got:

Denial-"this can't be happening to me", looking for the former spouse in familia places,No crying. Not accepting or even acknowledging the loss.

Anger-"why me?", feelings of wanting to fight back or get even with spouse of divorce,

Bargaining-bargaining often takes place before the loss. Attempting to make deals with the spouse who is leaving

Depression-overwhelming feelings of hopelessness, frustration, bitterness, self pity, mourning loss of person as well as the hopes, dreams and plans for the future. Feeling lack of control, feeling numb.

Acceptance-there is a difference between resignation and acceptance. You have to accept the loss, not just try to bear it quietly. Realization that it takes two to make or break a marriage.

So right now I think I'm somewhere between denial and anger, I could quite happily chop off his bollocks and make him eat them but this just cant be happening to me can it?

Yes its very real and I've never felt quite so vulnerable but I will be strong and I will survive I dont have much choice because if I didnt my mum would kick my ass!!!

Thanks Mummy Thanks Rie Love you both

Love n Stuff

xxxxxxx