11 posts from 2008

Grrr why do you always want the things you cant have?

I loved this guy years ago... he went away and now he's back in my life but with a girlfriend!!! He's knows how I feel about him and sometimes gives me the impression he thinks the same. I dont know what to do anymore I knew I should be wary about it all but I couldnt help it I have fallen BIG TIME again.

Do you think you ever really stop loving your first love?

He tells me I'm beautiful and all the nicest things ever... he makes me smile more than anything or anyone has done for a very long time. How can someone who makes you so happy make you so sad also? I would love him more than anyone had ever done but I will never get to find this out because he's too scared to take a chance on me!!

I wish he would be man enough to just acknowledge the fact he might have feelings for me rather than running away and ignoring me.

No matter how much you warn yourself nothing can protect you from your heart. He broke my heart once (unintentionally) why not do it again?

I wish there was a way I could make him see how much I care for him!

Damn Fucking EMOTIONS and LOVE :(

Love and Stuff

xxxx

Ok so I'm soooo copying my sister who has to be a much better voxer than me, but I am bored and childless so what the heck she'll not mind!! Not sure I can find 100 interesting things bout me but hey lets try:

1. My name is Teresa May Peploe 
2. I'm 21 years old and my d.o.b is 29/03/1987
3. I'm an aries which makes me: firey, adventurous and outgoing!
4. I live in the teeny weeny town of Chesterfield
5. I have two wonderful children Brogan and Maddie
6. My favourite drink is COFFEE must have caffine
7. ATM my hair is black and pink but in need of a change
8. I love HEROES
9. I have the best sisters in the WORLD!!!!!
10. My Mum is an angel such and inspiration, plus she rocks!!!!!
11. I'm listening to Panic! right now
12. My favourite programmes are Prison Break and Diagnosis Murder (sad I know)
13. I love Fall Out Boy and most stuff really
14. I'll try anything once
15. The person I want to meet most in the world is Lee Evans but Pete Wentz would be awesome
16. I'm one of the most unphotogenic people although I try
17. I'm soooo random its crazy
18. I make it my mission to make everyone smile
19. I'm a Pogo addict
20. I'm very competitive
21. I love my family more than they will ever know
22. I'm single
23. I'm ADDICTED to my phone :)
24. My idea of an amzing day is spending it with my family which is me, my babies, my mummy, my 3 sisters,  and my nana. Thats it small but strong!!
25. I love lucozade
26. My laptop is ACE
27. I nearly got married EEK how glad am I that I didnt
28. Thursday is my magazine day :)
29. I need thats need to see Lee Evans on tour (any offers to take me :) )
30. Ok so struggling now.... I'm impatient
31. I've had a fight
32. I cry at everything, even Eastenders
33. My favourite film is A Walk To Remember
34. My favourite actors are Adam Sandler and Tom Hanks
35. I'm very disorganised
36. If I could have a magic power I'd be invisible I could sneak around ;)
37. I'm very synical
38. I believe in Karma one day it will come and bite you is the arse!!
39. I've had an operation my scar is secret
40. I dont think I've ever been madly in love
41. I love a bit of gossip
42. I hate rude ignorant people
43. I am my biggest judge but wont judge you
44. I sing all the time although I'm terrible
45. I believe no one will love you til you truly love yourself
46. My favourite song right now is Face Down
47. I used to be a chav (very embarassing)
48. I have wonky teeth :(
49. I love chocolate but its doesnt love me
50. I'm a flirt
51. I'm cheeky
52. Right now I'm wearing jeans and a hoody
53. I think everyone should accept you for who you are
54. I love bleach but hate cleaning
55. I feel the safest when my babies are by my side I have to be brave
56. I love horror films
57. I've spent just under a 10th of my life pregnant
58. I love poker
59. I hate gardening
60. Why bother with regrets life is too short
61. But if I could change things I would never have lost my family
62. I think things are sent to you to make you stronger
63. I have one tattoo and 7 individual piercings
64. I have a phobia of bananas
65. I've never flown
66. I miss you when your not around
67. I love bubbles
68. I believe in ghosts now thanks to Rie
69. I have a cat called Alfie and right now 4 babies called Shadow, Emily, Percy, and Simba
70. I'm rubbish at telling jokes although I try
71. My favourite colour is purple
72. I love english literature
73. I want to go to uni one day
74. I'd love a fiesta (how sad)
 
OK so thats about it I knew there werent 100 things oh well

Its killed half and hour

Love and Stuff xxx

Why when things are pretty shitty anyway does something come along and make pretty shitty full on CRAP?!?!?!
I thought we could get along as friends I wanted to prove everyone wrong that we could make it work like this but yet again his fucking jealous ways ruined that!!!

When you lose something but are lucky enough to get it back why does someone want to take it away again?

I lost my best friend along time ago over something really stupid and last night that nearly happened all over again just because my jeaous ex wants to see me alone with noone!!!!!! He knows that I dont particularly love spending so much time alone but he really wants me to be sad!

I've done nothing but help him and try and sort things out with him... I even let him cry on my shoulder when a girl dumped him what an idiot am I?

I have now lost all respect for him, i cared about him still after everything and he goes and does this!

He's made me out to be a liar and i might be alot of things but I dont lie.

I just sincerley hope he's happy.

If he thinks i'll spend the rest of my life mourning over what we had he has another thing coming!!!!

Its over everything is over I'm just so sad that there are two amazingly beautiful children in the middle of this who I will be devastated if they get hurt!

Thats it

xxx

Oh my god what to do what to do!!! What should I do,if something feels right is it still wrong? When will I ever stop judging myself? When will I start acting like a 21 year old instead of trying to be what I think everyone else wants? I just dont know what to do any more!!! I think I'm gonna be on my own forever I cant believe how much I feel like a kid and want to do something so bad but am too scared of diasappointing everyone but its my life my choices and if I make a mistake then its mine to make. RAWR I cant believe how much I judge myself I'm my biggest critic so what if everyone else thinks its wrong I'd not be doing anything wrong I havent been on my own for a very long time and there's someone out there who quite likes me and I am leading him on and then pushing him away RAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWR would i be thinking like this if I wasnt a mum and just 21 I dont know probably I dont know GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Love and Stuff XXXX

I feel as though I dont really use vox to its full potential but then again I'm a rather boring person haha or at least I felt as though I was turned into one. But god help you all the real Teresa is on her way back into your lifes and I warn you the sense of humour is sharper than even!!

I am so happy and excited lately because my confidence is coming back thick and fast and with that so are all my old friends, I missed them all so much and felt so guilty bout not seeing them but it just wasnt worth the arguing but no worries people no one will ever make me feel that way again if nothing else he's made me a stronger person which I hope he hates.

My mum who is my voice of reason said to me that I would feel better soon and that people would notice a difference lets see what you all think bearing in mind I am only just 21.

Mum and Daughter

This is me a year ago and it only got worse until my baby sister (who is fabulous took me until her wing and helped me) decided to bring the real me back.
It was a long process lol but it turned out like this.........

K

Oh My God are some people just out to hurt me, whats worse is the people that are doing it are people who used to care bout me!!!!

I really really cant believe that "he" would stoop so fucking low as to talk to the other "him" who of course "he" hated!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I cant believe that two people can be such hypocrits that they will gang up against me and set out to hurt me!!!!!

Oh well FUCK THEM they know who they are and all I can say is nothing good comes from lying because if your going to do it you have  to be so fucking good not to get caught out!! Karma is a fantastic thing I really hope they both get their comunpence (so not how you spell it but who cares) but you know what they wont which makes me even more angry!!!!!!

I'm sorry Marie I know i shoudnt defend him anymore and you dont deserve the brunt of my temper I really am sooooo sorry your amazing and dont know what i'd do without you !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
:)

Anyway I'm good apart from that

Love and Stuff

xxxxxxxxxxxx

So its been 5 days and I think I'm doing ok, to be honest I've gotten really good at hiding my feelings and I actually feel so shitty!! But if i can hide it from everyone else I can hide it from me.

I think I'm starting to realise just how lonely it can be on your own even when your surrounded by people but I've heard it gets easier. Dont get me wrong my babies are amazing and how can they make you feel so wanted but then they are only up til half 6 and those 4 hours or so can be so so long, but i refuse to sleep the rest of my life away although right now it seems like a plan.

Anyway thursday will be my first full day without my babies and I really dont know what to do with myself so I'm welcome to ideas!!!

Love and Stuff xxxx

I will survive - Gloria Gaynor

So since I last blogged alot has happened to me, infact its not just alot its been life changing!!! My heart right now is basically ripped in two. I've split up with my long term guy but also the father of my children and it is so hard! I'm so scared about what my future holds now I have got two very beautiful young children who are very confused at the minute and I'm still not quite sure how to deal with it.

My beautiful sisiter Rie has been asbolutely amazing and lets face it, its pretty cool staying in the same house reminds me of being a kid which right now is just what I need.

Then theres my wonderful Mum and I just cant thank her enough for everything that she's done and I'm sure will continue to do.

Anyway Mum told me to search for the stages of grief and I couldnt understand why, until I read about it:

"Grief is a somewhat complicated and misunderstood emotion. Yet, grief is something that, unfortunately, we must all experience at some time or other. We will all inevitably experience loss. Whether it is a loss through death, divorce or some other loss, the stages of grieving are the same."

So we've got:

Denial-"this can't be happening to me", looking for the former spouse in familia places,No crying. Not accepting or even acknowledging the loss.

Anger-"why me?", feelings of wanting to fight back or get even with spouse of divorce,

Bargaining-bargaining often takes place before the loss. Attempting to make deals with the spouse who is leaving

Depression-overwhelming feelings of hopelessness, frustration, bitterness, self pity, mourning loss of person as well as the hopes, dreams and plans for the future. Feeling lack of control, feeling numb.

Acceptance-there is a difference between resignation and acceptance. You have to accept the loss, not just try to bear it quietly. Realization that it takes two to make or break a marriage.

So right now I think I'm somewhere between denial and anger, I could quite happily chop off his bollocks and make him eat them but this just cant be happening to me can it?

Yes its very real and I've never felt quite so vulnerable but I will be strong and I will survive I dont have much choice because if I didnt my mum would kick my ass!!!

Thanks Mummy Thanks Rie Love you both

Love n Stuff

xxxxxxx

So I've not blogged for a while and soooo couldnt think or anything to say, but today the QOTD quite took my fancy.

Wow regrets have I got any whether its what I did or didnt do I can honestly say the only things I regret are trivial for instance when a certain person took me for an idiot then decided to turn on me violently what did I do? I had too much respect to turn round and TWAT her so yea that one I regret, also when my baby sisters and my mummy used to walk past me and i'd was to pig headed to swallow my pride and run and hug them That I REGRET.

But the one I get most often is: "Come one you must regret having Brogan" and my answer is as clear as day "Are you F***ing kidding me" My children are my world and I hate to her people saying they regret their babies, fair enough I could be in my last year at Uni and be a journalist or a teacher but what would that get me? Money, status, self respect?? I can bet all the money in the world that not one person has the joy from Uni that children brings. Everyday is an adventure with my babies, i could write an essay everyday about them and never get bored.

Dont regret things you didnt do, couldnt do or shouldnt've done because they will live with you forever
I Love this quote just listen to it it makes sense!!!
“Sometimes, struggles are exactly what we need in our life. If we were to go through our life without any obstacles, we would be crippled. We would not be as strong as what we could have been. Give every opportunity a chance, leave no room for regrets.”

I'm sure we've all had our fair share of struggles some more than others but take it from me some of the things I've been through I dont look for sympathy i dont look for pity I just ask for respect and not for me Respect yourselves what ever you do and if you wake up in the morning regretting yesterday think honestly where will that get you and look for the good in your mistake!!!!!

Love and Stuff xxx

What a crappy couple of years BUT does it get me down??? Meh kinda lol:

Ok so you've got a fantastic life!! You have a great partner 2 gorgeous kids and a family who are more amazing than they'll ever know, but seriously what went wrong with everything else?

Friends
Granted I changed alot more than the rest of my school friends but two that I thought would be there forever have completely vanished from my life.... They know who they are and i hope one day they realise what they've lost. When I first had my son these two wonderful girlies were there all the time they rushed up to hospital and saw me. They cried with me when I cried over how poorly he was, they laughed at me when my boobs were leaking in the middle of town which was great but then when the baby sick and smelly nappies got realistic and the fact that I had to grow up it all changed. Now I'm lucky to have one text every six months and thats being optimistic.
I do have one amazing friend who I speak to everyday and loves my talk bout sleepless nights so yay!!!

Family
I love my family (mum and sisters) more than anything and it breaks my heart to ever see them struggling, my mum is so brave and gave up everything she had to make life better for her girls YOU GO MUM!!! But now they have to live with my nana and amazingly enough they never ever moan, i love having them back in chezvegas its amazing LIVERPOOL was soooooo far away. My sisters are all working fantastically hard at college and school and i just wish I could do something amazing for them like they've done for me.

Me and Gary
Most of the time we're very happy but on the odd occassion things can be really really hard, i'm sure its understandable having two babies under 3 working and having me as a girlfriend cant be a walk in the park.

My Children: Brogan
Ok so on a daily basis i'm tackling the "TERRIBLE TWOS" which are so much worse than anyone ever warned me lol from head butting the floor and slamming doors, or "SHUT UP MUM" oh yea mum not mummy anymore I'm sure i'll be Teresa before long then again if I'm honest it already happens lol but he lightens up my life when he sayd something funny or just gives me a kiss one thing i can say already is they're not children two mins so make the most of them

Maddie:
And then there's my baby girl Maddie-May..... she has brought so much joy to my life but also brought so much fear, when my little angel was born the odds were all stacked against her, she weighed a mere 4lb which was sooooo tiny I could hold her in one arm and not know she was there.... but then came the bigger problems.... we were warned that there could be loads of problems and I spent hours and hours beating myself up searching for possible conditions they'd suggested just think how you'd feel to be told that your precious little girl was ill or that she had a genetic condition that would change her whole perspective on life. But we were string as a family and I thank my baby sisters Rie Natalie and Victoria for all their help when things were tough and my mummy for everything she was willing to do for us. Thankfully though there doesnt appear to be anything that drs can put their fingers on which selfishly I am so grateful for, one day that might all change but for now she's perfect!!

So thats that there's not many things I moan about so thought i'd cram it into one blog

Love n Stuff

XXXXXXXXXX