Oh My God are some people just out to hurt me, whats worse is the people that are doing it are people who used to care bout me!!!!
I really really cant believe that "he" would stoop so fucking low as to talk to the other "him" who of course "he" hated!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I cant believe that two people can be such hypocrits that they will gang up against me and set out to hurt me!!!!!
Oh well FUCK THEM they know who they are and all I can say is nothing good comes from lying because if your going to do it you have to be so fucking good not to get caught out!! Karma is a fantastic thing I really hope they both get their comunpence (so not how you spell it but who cares) but you know what they wont which makes me even more angry!!!!!!
I'm sorry Marie I know i shoudnt defend him anymore and you dont deserve the brunt of my temper I really am sooooo sorry your amazing and dont know what i'd do without you !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
:)
Anyway I'm good apart from that
Love and Stuff
xxxxxxxxxxxx
So its been 5 days and I think I'm doing ok, to be honest I've gotten really good at hiding my feelings and I actually feel so shitty!! But if i can hide it from everyone else I can hide it from me.
I think I'm starting to realise just how lonely it can be on your own even when your surrounded by people but I've heard it gets easier. Dont get me wrong my babies are amazing and how can they make you feel so wanted but then they are only up til half 6 and those 4 hours or so can be so so long, but i refuse to sleep the rest of my life away although right now it seems like a plan.
Anyway thursday will be my first full day without my babies and I really dont know what to do with myself so I'm welcome to ideas!!!
Love and Stuff xxxx
So since I last blogged alot has happened to me, infact its not just alot its been life changing!!! My heart right now is basically ripped in two. I've split up with my long term guy but also the father of my children and it is so hard! I'm so scared about what my future holds now I have got two very beautiful young children who are very confused at the minute and I'm still not quite sure how to deal with it.
My beautiful sisiter Rie has been asbolutely amazing and lets face it, its pretty cool staying in the same house reminds me of being a kid which right now is just what I need.
Then theres my wonderful Mum and I just cant thank her enough for everything that she's done and I'm sure will continue to do.
Anyway Mum told me to search for the stages of grief and I couldnt understand why, until I read about it:
"Grief is a somewhat complicated and misunderstood emotion. Yet, grief is something that, unfortunately, we must all experience at some time or other. We will all inevitably experience loss. Whether it is a loss through death, divorce or some other loss, the stages of grieving are the same."
So we've got:
Denial-"this can't be happening to me", looking for the former spouse in familia places,No crying. Not accepting or even acknowledging the loss.
Anger-"why me?", feelings of wanting to fight back or get even with spouse of divorce,
Bargaining-bargaining often takes place before the loss. Attempting to make deals with the spouse who is leaving
Depression-overwhelming feelings of hopelessness, frustration, bitterness, self pity, mourning loss of person as well as the hopes, dreams and plans for the future. Feeling lack of control, feeling numb.
Acceptance-there is a difference between resignation and
acceptance. You have to accept the loss, not just try to bear it
quietly. Realization that it takes two to make or break a marriage.
So right now I think I'm somewhere between denial and anger, I could quite happily chop off his bollocks and make him eat them but this just cant be happening to me can it?
Yes its very real and I've never felt quite so vulnerable but I will be strong and I will survive I dont have much choice because if I didnt my mum would kick my ass!!!
Thanks Mummy Thanks Rie Love you both
Love n Stuff
xxxxxxx
